Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
