They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
