went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
