Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
false alarm. still invincible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
