Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
