burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
