Me. At least after what I've been through.
he shaved USA in his pubs
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
