and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drake has all the answers
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
