have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
