I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
