East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
