Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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