Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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