She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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