u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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