i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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