I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
