2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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