i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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