You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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