There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
