I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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