she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
