I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize