apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
