a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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