living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
