dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
