how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
17 year olds will be the death of me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
its liver damage thursday
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
