im having a threesome with these popsicles
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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