I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
