i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
