Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize