happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
