I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
