I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
