Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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