In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
