I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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