I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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