So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
