Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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