We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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