no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
