Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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