Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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