new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so let's talk penis.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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