If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
