well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
