I think I died a long time ago.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to make out with him forever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
