I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize