Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently you make a good broom.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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