I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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