She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
