when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
