I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
