ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
