I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
