While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
