Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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