you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
how drunk are you?
Several
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
