I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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