He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
