She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
