i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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