literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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